Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

For many from a conservative religious background, sexuality in marriage is a topic scarcely addressed at home or at church. More often, talks about sexuality center around the dangers of sex outside of marriage and the importance of abstinence. Marriage suddenly opens doors that were once locked, and many young couples find themselves at a loss in the new territory. I have to say that up until six months or so before my marriage, my own attitudes about sexuality were distorted by my own upbringing to the degree that the very idea of sex seemed dirty and depraved to me. I'm happy to say that after long conversations with my sisters and trusted married friends, and reading good Christian literature about intimacy in marriage, I was able to change my views, and come to accept sexuality as a beautiful and important part of marriage.

So what role should sexuality play in a marriage? In the first chapters of Genesis the Lord commands Adam and Eve to not only "multiply and replenish the earth" but to be "one flesh". Sexuality was to be a means not only of bringing children into the world, but to bind man and wife together as one. It's deeply symbolic of the absolute union of a couple, and of their love for one another. It allows a husband and wife to give of themselves for their spouse.

Although sexual expression in marriage can be beautiful and fulfilling, for many, it is a source of frustration. In my studies, I read a paper written by Sean E. Brotherson, PhD, and specialist in family life. He proposed that the "four horsemen of the apocalypse" for sexual fulfillment in marriage are "ignorance, inhibition, ill-will, and immorality".

The harm of ignorance in sexuality can be seen in situations like the one I suggested above. Not understanding the sacred, positive concept of healthy and loving sex in marriage can lead to an aversion to it. Some may refrain from learning more about their sexuality and that of their partner because they misunderstand it, and feel that any attempt to seek knowledge on the subject is immoral. Inhibition about discussing intimacy with a partner can also hinder the sexual fulfillment in a marriage. Brotherson recommends that such couples remember that the prophet President Lee said that intimacy is an "expression of true love in holy wedlock". It is not shameful, and any issues or concerns should be addressed within the marriage, and with a professional, if necessary. Ill-will, or any negative feelings within a marriage, particularly persistent ones, are certain to put the brakes on a couple's sex life. Intimacy, despite what modern culture may teach, is an intensely emotional experience. Negative emotions will taint sexual encounters or hinder them altogether. A couple must ensure that they not only solve negative experiences within the marriage, but take care to nurture positive ones to create an environment where sex is a further symbol of the love already expressed. Although Brotherson did not specifically address immorality in his paper, it should be clear to anyone in a marriage how damaging immorality can be to intimacy. It erodes the trust and the feeling of "oneness" that are at the heart of intimacy, and should be avoided entirely.

While intimacy can be challenging to many, if not all, couples at some point, with care, patience, and a desire to understand it, it can lead to deeper phsyical, emotional, mental, and spiritual connection.

Sources:

Brotherson, S. E. (2003). Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage. Meridian Magazine.